I was a late bloomer when it came to sex and self-intimacy practices, which was largely informed by a suppressed, disintegrated past of rape, sexual assault and inter-relational trauma. When I had my period for the first time at twelve years old, I experienced what many other girls do — dizziness, painful sensitivity, an inability to insert anything into my vaginal entrance — and ignored it for many years; opting for pads, avoiding any internal pleasure practices, and having an overwhelming fear about having sex for the first time.

When I did have sex for the first time, I discovered that I couldn’t. What was wrong with me? Why is it fine for other women? Why does it feel so impossible for me? The pain at my vaginal entrance was excruciating. Penetration would trigger stabbing pains inside my vagina, and was the worst pain I would continually experience inside of my physical body. I would erupt into tears or have deep waves of anger arise out of nowhere. I would become really dizzy and have fainting episodes when being fingered — I felt like a failure as a woman. I felt like I was a pathetic excuse for a woman. I was devastated that I couldn’t experience the same pleasure, the same sensual experiences as everyone around me, especially because despite all of this, I still had a very high and active sex drive. I didn’t understand.

I tried many methods to overcome this. Lubrication and pacing. Dilators. Internal pelvic release work. Cognitive tactics and approaches. Talk therapy. Nothing worked for me. My womb remained locked closed and inaccessible to me. During these years, while I was becoming fully immersed in my Akashic Records work, I discovered my womb had a voice and an intelligence, and that voice began guiding me into a method — that I now call the Womb-Led Method — that unlocked suppressed childhood memories, subconscious emotional imprints, and patterns causing my nervous system, womb, spirit and body to remain locked. After one year of committing to my method, my vaginismus disappeared after fifteen years. I had painless, pleasurable sex for the first time. I could touch myself, and be touched, without anxiety, dizziness, or emotional shutdown. And perhaps most surprisingly, my entire external life began changing, as though my womb was creating the conditions of my external life experience.

After the sessions, there would be a “flare up” of the triggers and emotions — and then within two weeks, stagnancy in my external life would begin clearing. My face started glowing more. A natural confidence to dance, to be playful, to be my raw, authentic self began emerging. I felt a childlike sense of ease and playfulness re-emerge. I felt relaxed being naked on my own, and more comfortable in my own skin, than in clothes. My orgasms became more intense, embodied, and multiplied. My voice changed octaves, and my intuitive awareness and creativity expanded exponentially.

As my womb began opening and releasing — on an energetic, physical and emotional level — my relationship to myself transformed, and the experience of life outside of myself became more effortless and coherent.

It changed my life, and I am now here to offer these practices in a pathway for you — in hope it may be softening for you, too.

Abbie x

This is my own story. Everybody is different, and womb work is not a medical treatment for vaginismus or any other medical condition. If you have pain with penetration or other pelvic symptoms, please see a doctor or pelvic floor physiotherapist as well.